Shelled Crab Fry

This is something nice though it is painstaking.
Take a kilo of un-shelled crab, clean and cook it in a covered vessel with just enough water, salt, turmeric powder and chilli powder.
When done, shell the crab and take out the flesh. Shred the flesh into small flakes.
Take about two handfuls of shallots (saambar onion), peel the outer skin and dice into thin long slices. Take one medium size green chilli and dice it into thin slices. Take a few curry leaves, wash and keep aside.
Heat some oil in a frying pan and sprinkle some mustard into it. When it crackles, add the green chilli and stir till it browns slightly. Now add the diced shallots and saute till it turns golden-brown. Throw in the fresh curry leaves. Add a tsp of jeera (cummin) powder and stir. After about a minute, add a quarter to half tsp of red-chilli powder (depending on your taste for chilli!). When these smell cooked, add the crab flesh flakes and stir well. Add salt to taste. When the mixture is fried and nearly done, add some black pepper powder and stir once more. Now take it off the stove, serve it on a nice dish and enjoy!

Bringing up the kids

When you have a child, more often than not, you wish for them to be all that you wanted to be, have all that you wished you had, and suffer not the lightest trauma from the string of tales from your own history! It is good to wish well but it is also good to remember idealistic wishes often borderline on the permissive, compromising and even plain pampering which will turn out to be nothing but destructive for the child.

There are some basic rules one must keep in mind:
1. Children need love, need to be wanted: Love with all your heart, but make it be known that discipline is a part of mature love, of love that goes beyond the present to guide into uncharted future.
Paying close attention to your child is one of the best ways to show love, not buying a mountain of toys or never being able to say 'No'. Being there for your child will make all the difference in the world to him or her. Sharing the happy times, holding hands through the tough, guiding through the gray zones and letting go and watching, ready to come to their aid when its the right time to let go - like an eagle that teaches its young ones to fly.
Pampering will not come anywhere close to that. It will in fact have a very negative effect on the child, encouraging irresponsible behavior, stubbornness and a total lack of sympathy or empathy.
2. Children need a secure environment: There is nothing better than a close knit family to give children the roots they need as they grow up. Children are our future, society's future. For this reason, it is important for us to actively work on preserving our family - our family structure, family relationships, family culture, family traditions. In today's all too easily-giving-up ways, preserving family means firm commitment and discipline in thoughts, words and action.
3. Children need discipline: It is important to let children know that actions have consequences - immediate or late. When a child does wrong, it is hence important to describe a punishment. It might be cutting off TV rights or computer rights for the week, having to do extra chores or something of the sort. Talking it out with the child, explaining what it was that they had done wrong, why it is wrong and what can be its potential consequence now and later then mutually deciding a punishment is a good way to go. It is important to not fly off the handle, get hysterical or do any sort of emotional black mail. A smack on the bottom may be called for on occasion!
4. Children need to be set boundaries - boundaries they can define; they also need to learn to set boundaries. "You can go out to play, but I expect you back by 6pm" or "You can go to play after you finish your homework"; "You can go to your friend's place, but you must let me know before you do" etc. When we were kids, the unwritten code was one had to be back inside the house when the street lights came on!
5. Weed out wrongs before they bud: Preventing small mistakes will prevent the big. Never compromise on honesty, truthfulness, hard work, humbleness. Your child must know it is not right to tell lies, big or small; it is not right to take or break other people's things; it is correct to own up, it is good to apologise, it is good to say thanks. These things will build character, set the child on the right trach and help your child make the right decisions when you are not around.
6. Children need to learn responsibility: Let your child learn to independently handle chores or decision-making, starting with the small ones. Be ready to help if things go wrong, without chiding, but perhaps explaining why things turned out differently than what your child expected. Does your child want to grow a plant? Explain how to - to be careful to water the pot every day, to keep in sunlight, not to handle the sapling too much, etc. If it grows well, good! Your child will have the thrill of having achieved something on his/her own; if not, he/she will learn how to handle disappointment and find the courage to try again.
7. Children need to understand accountability: Responsibility has to be accompanied by accountability. Children must know they are accountable for their actions. Your child may want to pick up and eat an un-billed chocolate at the grocery store. He or she may not have had any bad intentions at all. Stop! Take the chocolate and explain why it is still not yours to eat - that it has to be billed. Explain taking something before billing is not right, it will be considered stealing even if the child did not intend it. Take the child and the chocolate to the counter, bill it and give to the child or ask the person if you can save the wrapper for billing. If you do save the wrapper, make sure your child knows you are safe-guarding it and when you give it for billing (you can ask your child to give in the wrapper at the counter). If you are getting it billed, then ask your child to keep the billing statement in hand or stand at the counter, finish the chocolate and then walk back in! This simple exercise will stay in your child's mind and be a lesson for life!
8. Encourage: Always remember to appreciate where there is even the tiniest reason to. Applaud for finishing a race, even if your child did not win, for doing school projects on time, for doing homework regularly, for coming back home at the time you have agreed to, for not watching banned things on TV or sticking to only permitted sites on the net, for being truthful to you and owning up when they perceive they have not done right.
We have recently hit up on a scoring system on a scale of 10: 4 - 6, grounding extended if already in place, 6.5 - 8, grounding will be reviewed if already in place, 8.5 to 10 - grounding canceled if in place, if not, then a treat! Scores can be for anything from not throwing around bag or books, not being grumpy, doing homework, amicably settling fights for the remote, being helpful, reading the Bible and praying in the morning and at bed time. It seems to work so well, we have started scoring ourselves too! Of course, not to forget - include negative scoring as well! Grumpiness, laziness, lies, disobedience will all qualify for that!
9. On your knees: With all humility, it is best to accept that we cannot by whatever means always be the best or bring out the best in ourselves or our kids - we need Someone greater than ourselves yet who is interested even in the little drop of tear that might fall - God, to help us where we fail and to guide us not just in the right path, but into the best path. Be open to God's soft voice that prompts your heart - even when you have no explanation. Pray for your kids and with your kids. Family prayers with songs and music, Bible reading and prayer can turn out to be some of the most cherished, fun and binding times you have!

Recipe for simple daal fry and simple life!

Before you read this, just glance through 'The Amazing South Indian Saambar'. Looks like a complicated recipe, though the effort is worth the taste. Now check this out:

Simple Dal Fry:
Pressure cook three handfuls of toor or moong dal with three cups of water, half a tsp of turmeric, two tbsp of saambar powder, 1 tsp chilli powder, 2 tsp corriander powder and 1 tsp salt. When done, take a frying pan and throw in half a tsp of mustard. Let it crackle. Add some curry leaves and two red chillies (broken in pieces) for toor dal or two green chillies slit in two for moong dal. Saute lightly and add this to the dal mixture. Your dal fry is ready! Have it as it is or bring it to boil and relish it!

There are some things to learn from the Amazing South Indian Saambar and the simple Dal Fry. Both are good, in their own way. One is complex one is simple; yet the simple is not inferior to the complex neither is the complex superior by virtue of its complexity.

Life is like that, I guess. We can make it complicated for ourselves and others if we choose to, or we can make it simple and uncomplicated, enjoying the little pleasures of life - a smile, the sunrise, the first leaves of the trees on the lane or the plant in the pot on your window sill or balcony, a pillow fight with the kids, a cup of tea in a little cafe with your spouse.

Life lived simple is well lived! Live life, simply and relish it abundantly!

Honesty... such a lovely, lonely word!!

Billy Joel got it right - honesty is indeed a lonely word. Yet when you find it, its lovely, like a breath of fresh air. Most dishonest people only fool themselves into thinking they are not or will not be found out. People often persist with the ridiculest of lies. For what reason, heaven only knows - or maybe heaven also wonders why!

In truth, most lies are seen through sometime or the other and the person behind the lie only stands to loose - loose trust, respect and credibility. People are often far too polite, decent or politically correct to walk up to a deception displayer and tell them they know it for what it is. People tend to play along, but they are sure to be wary! They are not going to trust that person easily again!

If one is caught on the wrong foot, its best to come clean. For two good reasons: 1. The truth is always the easiest to remember, however many times you need to repeat it; 2. You gain more trust and more dignity in the long run if you have the courage to come out clean. As a bonus, it really develops your character and makes you stronger and better.

How does one encourage others to speak the truth?
1. Look in the eye and talk straight, when you want the truth.
2. Avoid confrontation and blame-gaming. Simply make state statements, not accusations or finger-pointing.
3. Give the person a respectable way out, without pushing them into a corner.
4. Let the person know you will respect them more for owning up and coming clean.
5. Maintain firmness in your voice, expression and attitude. By your firmness it will be known you are interested in only the truth and nothing else, no other version of it either.
6. Definitely avoid hysteria, crying or other un-necessary emotional outbursts.
7. Keep your mind open and listen with a neutral attitude.
8. Be positive to any explanation offered by the person and look together for an alternate way that things could have been worked out. It will help avoid lying the next time.

Everybody lies - young and old, beggar and billionaire. There is no bar on age, sex, color, career or creed. People lie to escape a difficult situation quickly. But the lies in our life never fail to lurk at our door. Truth is simplest though may not always be the easiest. Truth is certainly the best.

Honesty is the best policy - its a lonely word alright, but a very lovely, lovely word!

Healthy Fish Biryani

If you are a health freak, check this out!

Ingredients: (to serve 7-8, depending on the size of the appetite!)
1. 750g of Biryani rice (Basmati rice is good)
2. Cloves - 6
3. Cinnamon - 2 inches
4. Bay leaf - 1 large or 2 medium
5. Onions - 3 large
6. Tomatoes - 3 large
7. Ginger garlic paste - 2 tbsp
8. Mint leaves - 1 cup, fresh corriander leaves - 1 and 1/2 cups, curry leaves - 1/4 cup, green chilli - 3 medium size, ground together into a paste.
9. Turmeric powder - 1/2 tsp + 1/4 tsp
10. Red chilli powder - 1 tsp
11. Tuna - 3/4 kg, cut in cubes (without skin)
Others: Oil to saute ingredients, salt, vinegar to soak tuna

Clean the tuna and marinate it in salt and vinegar. Set aside.

Prepare the rest of the ingredients (green leaves paste, ginger garlic paste)
Dice the onion and tomatoes into thin long slices.

Measure the rice in cups - it will be about 3 cups. Clean the rice grains thrice and drain the water. For one cup of rice, add 1 and 1/2 cups of water (so for 3 cups of rice add 4 1/2 cups of water). In a separate container, cook the rice with a dash of salt and 1/4 tsp of turmeric powder. Let the rice cook till all the water is evaporated and little dry holes form on the surface (this will happen only if you do not disturb the rice once the water is 3/4th evaporated). Let it cool. Turn it lightly so that the grains separate and set aside.

When the rice is cooking, you can start on this:

Place a large pot on the stove (the ultimate biryani chatti!) and add 3 to 4 tbsp of oil. When it is heated, add the cloves, cinnamon and bay leaves. When it gives out the flavor, add the diced onions and saute them till golden.

Take the pieces of tuna and lightly fry them, turning them over on all sides, till the sides are just brown.

Add the ginger garlic paste and saute till the raw smell is gone and you are sure its cooked. Add the green leaves paste and saute lightly. Add the diced tomatoes and let it cook. Add the turmeric powder (1/2 tsp) and the chilli powder. Add half cup of water and let the mixture cook.

When this mixture is cooked, add the rice and mix both well without breaking the rice grains. Close the lid and cook on low flame till the water is evaporated and the biryani is done. After you peek into the lid the last time, close the lid and turn off the stove after 2 minutes. Do not open for at least the next 10 minutes.

When you open, mix the biryani well once more (if you don't, the masala will all have soaked to the bottom and the biryani will not taste even. The fish pieces will also be found more at the bottom) and serve!

PS: If you substitute prawns/shrimp/chicken/lamb/beef for the tuna (the last two are not very healthy!!) go equal on the mint and fresh corriander leaves. You can also leave out the curry leaves.

The Amazing South Indian Saambar

This is something a non-cooker like me really likes simply coz not only does it come out good, you can make plenty and stock it for a few days!

One thing about Saambar I learnt by trial and error is you can't leave too much to the imagination! You need to take some tips from somewhere! So here we go!

To start with, get the dal ready. For this, take about 4 handfuls of dal, wash it, add water, dice a nice large red tomato, add to the dal and finish it up with half a tsp of yellow turmeric powder and some salt. Pressure cook this till the dal is done (nice and soft, so that when you take it off, you just need to run it through with a spoon to make it a mash).

Next, take a lemon sized ball of tamarind and soak it in water. You will need to squeeze out the pulp, filter and use the water later.

Take a tsp and a half of 'kadalai paruppu' (fried channa dal), a tsp of urad dal, 5 to 6 dry red chillies, a tsp of black pepper corns, a tsp of jeera, 3 and a half to 4 tsp of corriander powder, 1/4th tsp of methi (fenugreek), 4 cloves, an inch of cinnamon. Fry them lightly. Dry grind and keep aside. When you dry gring, add one and a half tsp of saambar powder to be on the safe side!! (if you can't get saambar powder, its still ok!)

Cut the vegetables you need to add to your saambar (you can use drumstick, brinjal or egg-plant, beans, carrots, potatoes - one or any of these in combination). Peel a few small, saambar onions. Dice 2 large red tomatoes.

Heat a frying pan or kadaai with a little oil (2 or 3 tsp is all you will need), put in the saambar onions, let it fry lightly, add the diced tomatoes, let it cook, add the dry ground mixture and let it cook with the onions and tomatoes. When this concoction is done, add the tamarind water and let it boil. Take this off the stove.

Add the cut vegetable into the dal mash. Add the masala and tamarind liquid you just took off the stove. Let the whole thing boil together till the vegetables are done. If you are in a hurry, just pressure cook it again till the first steam and take it off the stove - or you will risk your veggies disintegrating into the dal!

Take a handful of saambar onions and dice them. Take one green chilli and slit it in two (optional), take a handful of fresh curry leaves and keep aside to use in frying. Keep ready a tsp of mustard, a few grains of methi (fenugreek)and a tsp of urad dal.

Heat up a kadaai with 2 tsp of oil. Throw in the mustard and let it crackle. Add the fenugreek (methi). Once these stop crackling, add the urad dal and stir till its light brown. Add the diced saambar onions, the green chilli and the curry leaves in that order. Stir fry till the onions are just browned at the sides.

Open the dal mixture, add salt to taste. Add the stir-fried onions and curry leaves mixture and gently boil once (you need not boil if you do not want to).

Your saambar is done! Have it with rice, idli, vadaai or even bread! Its great!

If you can't find saambar onions, just use the usual ones that you do get. Its ok.

I can't help but remember the days when I was a child and each house had the mandatory stone grinder at the back or in the kitchen - the 'Ammi'. Whew, how women sweat it out grinding the pastes! It was a fine art to grind without any of it jumping off the stone as well! Thank heavens for the mixer-grinder we now have - or I might have never tried this saambar!!

Parenting Snippets of Wisdom

Well, well, who doesn't wish they had just the right answer at all the wrong times!! Parenting definitely offers a wide arena to learn the art of self-defense against unanswerable/unarguable questions!
Q (primary schooler): "Mom/Dad, why are planets added and taken out?"
Honest Wise Answer: "I don't know."